Intimately Worded with Michelle

Category: happiness

  • The Wonder of Unfolding: On the sacred rhythm of Time, Healing and Autumn’s quiet grace.

    The Wonder of Unfolding: On the sacred rhythm of Time, Healing and Autumn’s quiet grace.

    Fall Season

    Sundays have a way of slowing me down enough to notice what time has been doing beneath the surface. The air is crisp, the light shifts, and even the trees seem to know when to release. I am in wonder of how time cloaked our struggles, yet time also reveals the required healing — the necessary strength for us to witness the why’s. In this turning season, I’m reminded that God’s work often happens quietly, layered in moments we don’t yet understand. What once felt delayed was, in truth, unfolding right on time.

    Yesterday, I attended my cousin’s wedding — my second cousin, though I still remember her as the little girl with big dreams and a contagious laugh. Watching her stand there, radiant in hope and grace, marrying again with such genuine love, felt like witnessing time come full circle. The ceremony was outdoors, framed by trees touched with autumn gold, the air soft with both memory and promise.

    At this age, I’m in awe of how love still finds us, how it gathers what’s been scattered by years, by loss, by change. Marriage has a way of reminding us that family expands even as it shifts — that though we’ve said goodbye to parents and grandparents, something sacred continues through us. It’s as if time weaves a quiet thread between what was and what is becoming, inviting us to see how love endures, how it unfolds anew.

    This morning, before I began to write, I recorded a few thoughts — just me, my voice, and the quiet of Sunday. Sunday mornings have become their own kind of prayer for me. Waking up smiling, breathing easier, releasing the heaviness of the work week and the constant pulse of motherhood, I find myself able to go to God in a way that comforts me. There’s peace in that surrender — in remembering I don’t have to hold everything together for the world to keep turning.

    I love my walks, especially now as the leaves start to fall and the air turns brisk. It’s where I feel time most gently — not rushing, not demanding, just moving with me. Each step reminds me that unfolding doesn’t require effort, only willingness. And maybe that’s what this season — this life — continues to teach me: that healing, love, and even time itself are part of a divine rhythm, one that never stops revealing what’s meant to be known in its own perfect moment.

    Rest in knowing that what’s meant for you is already moving toward you. Time, love, and grace are all working together in ways you can’t yet see.

    Be brave,

    Michelle

    ©️Intimately Worded, Michelle.

  • After the Session

    After the Session

    Written by: Michelle Tillman, LCMHC

    May is Mental Health Awareness Month

    #HealthyLove

    Working as a therapist, we are privy to hearing life stories, an individual’s experiences. We listen to their pain and their victories, the simple, small, and big things. Self-love, self-care, and wellness are synonymous with great health, mentally, spiritually, and physically. Lately, I am noticing a trend: we no longer know how to be in a healthy relationship nor do we know what one looks like. Across all societal norms and other corporate platforms, we are demanded to forgive (without processing) and negatively “coached”, argued with, and hurtfully told we are wrong for wanting more. Social media, reality shows, and life challenges normalize dysfunction; we learn to accept pain as a reward, we measure love by difficulty and hardship.

    We tend to move into relationships out of loss and/or a specific want, losing sight of what we need. A client once shared with me: “I do not want to date out of circumstance. Does that make me selfish?” I responded that it was one of the most powerful statements I have heard in a while: “I do not want to date out of circumstance.” What a refreshing thought process, one that requires strength, recovery, self-discipline, and confidence.

    Relationships have become unhinged at the cost of “influence” and social popularity. Toxicity and narcissism have become synonymous with band-aid quotes and placating sentiments: “Go to therapy.” Yet, there is not any evidence of real change. We recycle patterns and repeat our past with someone new. Rarely does anyone commit to the hard work. We unknowingly agree to be in relationships without ever understanding the difficulty in creating new patterns and different thought processes nor the impact of trauma.

    I encourage you to recognize and learn red flags. Understand that red flags signify that this does not feel good, that this person is not for you and that “fixing” others is never a winning concept. We cannot “fix” people. Below are a few tips when seeking healthy relationships:

    1. Stay present and connected to your personal values.
    2. Do not date out of circumstance. Self-validation and self-prioritization are key.
    3. Know that any relationship is destructive when it decreases your quality of life. 
    4. When a partner disrupts relationship with your immediate family life, demanding you cut off direct communication: RED FLAG!
    5. There are several Thinking Traps that can get in the way of creating a healthy relationship: concealing, impediments, emotional responsibility, mind-reading trap, the truth trap and the victim trap.

    “It is okay to feel sad after making the right decision.”

    Remember you are wanting a healthy relationship that is good for you, that nurtures you, your growth, your life. Truly, settling for a “trending” companionship should never be an optimal option. I believe there are so many other consequences when we settle. I encourage you to trust your journey, honor your pathway and love with purposeful intention for every aspect of your life.

    Intimately, my prayer for you is to be healthy, loving and free—your way without harm and without selfishness. Continue to do your work, your soul work.

    Intimately Worded,

    Michelle

    Disclaimer: The post provides valuable insights on healthy relationships and the impact of societal influences. The language and tone are engaging, making the content relatable. It effectively encourages self-reflection and awareness, offering practical tips for fostering healthy relationships. Overall, the post offers meaningful advice for maintaining healthy relationships amidst societal pressures.

    2–4 minutes

  • September; traditionally speaking

    In my therapeutic profession, this weekend and new week is an emotional one: Saturday, September 10: World Suicide Preventation Day. Sunday, September 11: Remembrance of 9/11. In my personal life, Monday, September 12: My eldest son’s birthday. This week the local market has #sunflowers for $5.00.

    I’ve learned my hometown has grown a field of sunflowers that one can visit. Sunflowers are one of my favorite flowers. I continue to seek the simplicities of life and I yearn more for my soul than yesterday.

    I am reflective this heavy weekend and how inclusive of celebrating life I try to be. I’m learning that my self-care consists of familiarity, many must-haves and structure. I like it that way. Of course, there is spontatneity which often brings in great joy. It is Sunday morning and I’ve washed my face, brushed my teeth…made up my bed, put on my fuzzy socks and I’m mentally planning my day. I checked my emails and the thought hits me….”I’m always working and my work includes caring for others.”

    My work emails include questions on individual trauma recovery or taking another educational course on trauma. I read, respond if it is a quick answer. I pause and tell myself, prayer time, coffee, outside before it gets hot, do some stretches and yoga. Write and post your blog. I am proud of myself that this is my third Sunday in row, blogging. I smile. I beleive often we’re equipped within to reframe the heaviness, move it around a bit. I tend to think we’re here for reasons bigger than we think, without being aggrogant yet genuine, authentic. I know we’re to love and be loving. I also know we’re to be here for one another in whatever capacity that benefits us—that is not selfish. #BoomerangEffect

    So, I’ll purchase $5.00 sunflowers for my home. Later this week, I’ll anonmously deliver some to a person I know is struggling with how LIfe is coming at them. I’ll continue to be there for my Tribe. I’ll show up time and time again for this woman who’s hair is turning more white than grey yet she still seems to smile back at me in the mirror…somehow different yet the same. #Making Room

    “We must go down to the very foundations of life. For any merely superficial odering of life that leaves its deepest needs unsatisfied is as ineffectual as if no attempt at order had ever been made…”

    ~I Ching/ “The Well” (circa 2500 BC)

    Love yourself just a wee bit more this new season. #Autumn #Change

    Intimately Worded,

    Michelle

    https://www.buymeacoffee.com/IntimatelyWrded

  • Freeing…a healing journey

    Pain has purpose, I hear that a great deal. I believe the statement to be true. Pain has purpose and I’m learning to heal with it: the pain and the purpose of the pain. I’m learning that quietness and confidence leads toward greater strength. I’m following grace and no longer leading grace. It has been another Earth Year, another birthday. I smile. I reflect. I pray. I breathe deeply and I praise God for all of intricate, unearthing, undoing and unlearning of 52 years. I am honoring my journey more.

    I scheduled a few days off to celebrate my birthday; however none of the week slowed down, my stillness was high jacked and I found it difficult to sit, to deep breathe. I believe we often take for granted the days we’re given and the time we are to spend with one another.

    Our souls will get weary, our physical gets tired and the mental fatigue with personal and professional life is challenging. I do not often want to go, go, go. I’m learning to not grow bitter in my living. I’m learning to release those and their actions when being helpful, productive turns towards hostility.

    What I know: I have become very protective of my time. I have learned to value it more. I long for moments of solitude, of quietness. I do not feel like I need to be seen for you to “see” me. #Epiphany

    I’m unlearning that my softer isn’t weakness and I’m loving this part of my growing 50s. I’m doing things different and hopefully, better. #Smile I will celebrate this birthday without a flood of anxiety and busyness. I’ve scheduled me an integrative Thai Massage and I’ll spend a day with a friend lunching and antiquing in a small town…next month. I encourage you to trust the bigger of these days, the good things of this life. Love yourSelf better and those good humans you want/and or have will always find you.

    I pray that you see your miracles, live your answered prayers and love your healing path. Knowing that we want to heal and need to heal does not protect us from doing the work. Healing is hard, life grows difficult in most parts of our journey; trust where you are. I beg you not to start over just begin where you are, begin again in those moments. I love you. I see you. ~Michelle

    “When the time is right, I, The Lord, will make it happen.” Isaiah 60:22.

    Reader Takeaway: Pay attention to how people pull at you and what they pull from you. What parts of you are you giving away? How much does that particular giving wounds your soul?

  • Sundays…

    #Sundays, remain my favorite day of the week. I am setting a goal to write weekly and post to my blog. I miss writing and I miss the blogging world. I’m unsure if I have introduced our newest family member: Koda, he is a husky and is 15 months old. He has been with us since he was 8 weeks old. That’s him fussing in the pic below because he wants attention and I was working. He is a bit much and we love him so; unconditional love at its best.

    I’m in my head this early morning. Coffee, Christmas Decor, writing, reading and some good rest will be my day. I am reflecting on past relationships and friendships and who I was, became and wanted to be in them. It is Christmas time and in the past years I use to think that I was lonely; this year not so much. This year has been a lot of mishaps with meeting others on dating apps and one actual “real life” face to face human. That did not work out well either; I question humanity and common decency more than myself. I am unsure of what to expect of love. What I know is what I want and I am willing to work with all of it when love comes. I am thinking of what time type of relationship person I am. I want to ask: what type of relationship person are you?

    When it comes to friendships and dating relationships: I encourage you to stop analyzing why the important and most loved ones walk away. I encourage you to release them without bitterness and in your most loving way possible. Alas, let them go seek what they believe to be true.

    Love, to want love is the same for everyone. How to love and in which ways to love is different, quite different. Focus on the rarity it requires to meet your person. Everyone does not get “It.” I’m learning the “It” of it requires simplicity and less difficulty. I love Love. I want creating a space, a place to enhance life a bit more easy peasy, lemon squeezy.

     Trust in your ability to love and make room for better, not only healing your past. I love you. May your Sunday be of good love and sacred rest. I pray your week is productive and beneficial for you.

    Intimately Worded,

    Michelle

    Our Koda…#SirKoda

  • Grace and Relationships

    Photo taken: November 2020.
    “Live less out of habit and more out of intent.” ~Anonymous

    I haven’t written about earthing my 50th birthday in August. I am not going to excuse myself by stating I am too busy. As I reflect, I have realized its all been rather intimate, personal and my experiences unearth my vulnerability and leaves my heart wide open. This shifting has been grand, wonderful, unexpected and at times the most painful.

    Grand….I was able to treat myself to a mini getaway from home without travelling out of state due to CoVid. This beautiful Caribbean themed B&B, located here in Charlotte, NC: http://www.mselsies.com/ The owner was so welcoming, comforting and soulfully-bossy. Just the type of “love” I needed. I’ve never taken a getaway alone. I have always travelled as a couple and/or with my kids. All of this was new to me. I was nervously excited and my soul weary.

    Wonderful.…I was nurtured, pampered, fed—my palate was amazed. I was the only guest during my stay. I was fussed over just enough yet left alone with as much space I required. My soul was cared for and some healing took place. My spiritual self required rest yet yearned for more of this. Not only was I fed well –the conversations, the prayers and wisdoms of Life were like Nature’s own medicine.

    Unexpected…My core beliefs for my independence was shaken. This ability I have of taking care of myself, of knowing that I have to do this alone was a comfort for me. Although, I’ve always hoped for a love that is comparable to how I love, it did not seem to be in sight. I believe the glimpse of being loved scared me, of the the unexpected places where I sought solace, solitude and sacred rest my Michelle was uprooted.

    “Michelle, you’re judgmental in your personal life and only in your personal life. You need to hear what you need to hear not what you to want to hear. Your independence has taught you to make it, to push through. You discern and that is a gift. You’ve forgotten how to be taken care of.” ~Cheryl Watkins, Ms. Elisie’s Granddaughter and Owner of the B&B. She told me this in our introduction. It hurt to hear. My initial plan for my mini-retreat was to reserve a upscale spa and my mind was changed to this intimate oasis. I don’t believe our meeting was happenstance.

    I’ve been working this singleness and motherhood with grace while allowing Grace to lead me through graduate life and being a therapist. I haven’t dated in years; no one has approached me in a nurturing, chivalrous manner that would require me to date. During this time, a guy entered my life unannounced and with genuine effort. He paid for my second day at the B&B. He arranged a spa day after hearing of the difficult work day I experienced. He wanted to know if I ate, took my vitamins, was I smiling, was I protected. The more we talked and the grand gestures he carried out was healing old hard wounds. I don’t fall easily. I cannot afford it.

    As I live and love within my 50th cycle love is frightening; we lose people either by choice, their actions or inactions, yet mostly consequences will pull us away from others. The extension of grace requires understanding, forgiveness for peace and growth. What I want isn’t always what it seems no matter how conscientious I am. I am learning to move forward with all that I am and that incudes: authenticity, truth, grace and love. I am doing well in my wait. I remind myself that my self-work gives tremendous value to my self-worth. #BeAWholeMovement #FreedSoul Singleness Relationships His plans

    I encourage you to trust how you give, learn that rest is sacred and your ground is too. Stand your ground. #LoveGives #ShineAnyway

    Intimately Worded,

    Michelle

    *Please note that since our meet she sends reminder texts: “How beez u?” She happies this heart of mine.

    • My room
    • Breakfast Part 1
    • Breakfast Part 2: Sweet Potatoes and Shrimp. #Amazing
    • Breakfast Day 2: Grits and Salmon

  • Healing: Necessary Work

    I know I haven’t blogged in awhile. As this world continues to be lopsided, broken and undergoing intense psychological warfare on Humanity; I find myself consistently in a weird wounded type of movement. Open, learning, yearning yet not passive nor suppressed….Defiantly Intimate.

    The Process of Unlearning

    Since last post, I completed my required 3000 hours under my deadline goal of two years—I completed them in 18 months. I have submitted my application for approval for full licensure. I have improved my selfcare with purchasing fresh flowers for my home, just because I like the idea of them. Even with this quarantine, I remain available for my children, my grandchild and my patients. I’ve tried to date….men are exhausting. That’s a whole other ordeal. #MyLife

    Living Black does not leave me disconnected from any of the News, the headlines, the atrocities. Racism, the hate isn’t new. The resurgence of the Black Movement is painful, magnetic, intense and divinely necessary. This is more than a moment. Do your work, you matter. #SystemicAwareness

    I want to write about the process in healing. When healing, you’re not moving pass it. You’re moving through it. Healing requires acknowledgment before insight and foresight are gifted. How are we to reconcile when the hurt is not recognized? This is where its not about “how you made me feel” takes root but rather having the capacity to self-advocate with, “You hurt me.”

    I understand that we do not like conflict. Yet, it is divinely irresponsible to limit the pathways toward your healing. This is where you begin your work. We tend to rationalize reaching down or reaching backward for the very same systems, person or people that broke us.

    Be willing to overturn and unlearn systems that benefit from the crushing of Humanity: WE are a powerful people. Good wins; it should. Allow people to leave when emotional maturity is lacking, when spiritual identity becomes foggy, distant, unreciprocated. Give space —huge amounts of space to those who are incapable of making room for you. Move differently. You are worthy of healing.

    Intimately Worded,

    Michelle

    Writer’s Favorite Work: Lion’s Den and the vulnerability of Belief is one of my greatest written work to date. Take a read or re-read.

  • Post Thanksgiving: Gratefulness

    I’ve always loved Thanksgiving. They were huge for me; I have a huge family and love was indicated, felt whether it was what you needed or not. I laugh now, isolation was never an issue. I have 3 brothers and 3 sisters. I am a middle child. Our parents are now deceased and as the years go by their physical presence …the want to hear and be with them on this day in particular intensifies. Life has a way of giving us what we need the most and lovingly reminds us why we were in need of that something or someone.

    The days after #Thanksgiving, I believe should be of recovery time; moments of healing. I pray your time after is that of gratefulness, without guilt. I pray that the tinge of loneliness, if any encourages you to create a new tradition or make that call to a friend. Do not dismiss the power of extending grace. #MoveForward

    http://borninprovidence.com Please check out her “Friends-Giving” post. Working w/E on our Self-Care Strategies for the Holidays was and continues to be an exemplary example of two therapists’ heart. What I learned while working with her— listening to her is that she is an unproblematic enthusiasts and a genius in her field. She loves what she does and oh what a giving heart. Here are a few personal takeaways from our Zoom collaboration:

    • Life is better shared, yet when we’re not open to sharing its more than okay to self-advocate what you need with grace.
    • Intimacy is to be treasured not out of self-created responsibilities. We don’t have to feel less than to not be a part of something that’s become so difficult.
    • When the opportunity arises Choose Yourself More. Trust when the need for implementing healthy boundaries is necessary. Learn and continue to learn what that looks like for you. Consistency is often underrated.
    Self-Care Strategies for the Holidays

    As December storms itself into our lives, I am certain there will be more storms that will impede on my pathway of gratefulness. E and I will have another Holiday Zoom Live December 21. We will discuss wellness for those facing Transitions. Please reach out to either one of us if you have a topic of transition or change you would like us to touch on. We enjoy you!

    What I am sure of…grief gets complex and there are different aspects to every transition. I think that gratitude is a state of mind, a divine guide towards our more. I am grateful, knowing that when I accept my blessings and when I am receptive of grace has brought me exactly where I am—at peace. You’re not wrong when you choose yourself with grace.

    “Most decisions don’t require extensive research…It takes a considerable amount of self-awareness and self-control to resist the temptation.” ~Gretchen Rubin

    Intimately Worded,

    Michelle

  • Attention: What Sustains?

    I am currently on vacation. I purposely took a week off from work and planned a 5 day stay at the Beach. My two teens are with me and as teenish as they are, I am often left alone. The Ocean wore them out and I find myself drawn to check my phone and emails—wanting someone to want me, need me. I have never had a problem being alone. I prefer it…I prefer quiet. My levels of growth and healed segments of my life are increased and reveled in when I am alone. Yet, last night as all was quiet except the therapeutic roaring of the ocean, I was unable to write, unable to read. I surmised that it has only been 24 hours in which the phone did not have my attention. In all honesty, I worked yesterday, remotely. So, in not writing, nor reading I am focusing on the best way to help all patients… I am strategically casing while on vacation. Seriously.

    An Undeniable Bond #myBrutus and #PrincessMonster
    An Undeniable Bond
    #myTeens

    Okay, let’s talk: Attention, what does it mean to you and why has it become a phenome to accept deeper connections through social media and not human contact? We text more than we call. We scroll more than we touch. We deviate more than we plan and grow. I sit here and I people watch…rarely does anyone make direct eye contact. One female is walking for exercise while on her phone. A model is having her pics taken by a photographer…I digress. My plan for vacationing was to write, to read and to relax. I was only able to do that for a full 24 hours before my attention was diverted to everything but my personal goals.

    I think with each phase of life our desire for attention levels out and begins differently. I ask not to be self-critical nor to minimize the affect how Life and why God has impacted my journey just so. I analyze, I overthink, I reflect…I ponder, as I become this great individual that I’ve pursued for the longest time.

    • What type of attention are you seeking?
    • What parts of you need that type of validation and why?
    • Why aren’t you able to write, Writer?
    • What are those fears that keep you searching?

    I think my own diversion to attention seeking is due to my having to work all the time for any and everything I’ve wanted. I’ve been placed in Life-Roles when I had no clue, no voice in how things should be, yet I continue to do right by those that are in my life. I know that the way my life is set up I am required to go, do and be. Rarely, am I given the opportunity to focus on myself…to breathe –to understand where I am. At times, restoration is scary, fearful and quite intimidating. I love how my phase is unfolding as I am writing this…. God does exactly what He wants for His love is greater for us than any plans we’ve wished and prayed for. He never stops listening. Cosmically, this is the calmest the Ocean has been since we arrived.

    “Taking time to do nothing often brings everything into perspective.” ~Doe Zantamata

    Therapeutic Reflections
    #NoObstacles

    I encourage you to re-evaluate your actions and analyze your why…soon the reveal or revelation you seek will hit you in the most deserving way possible…your needs not theirs. Keep with what sustains you…even if it seems to have blurred. I am a therapist’s therapist and an awesome mother. I believe the remainder will fall into place; its impossible to thrive in lack.

    Intimately Worded,

    Michelle

    ©

  • Graced For More

    Committing to writing has always been an adventurous discipline for me. Forgive me for not posting as quickly as my experiences occur. I am ever so grateful for the way Life is treating me and faithfully attuned to how God stands in the gaps of my unknowing.

    August, my birthday month has been revolutionary! My 49th year began with decisions, doubts and quiet fear. Those things I kept to myself, internalizing the eternal. My last post I detailed my journey in participating in #31DaysOfPrayer; which generated a great deal of evolving. The Spiritual growth process is unusual and unique, rather intimate. My spiritual life has been enlightening, very different than assumed. We’re all given foundations, taught standards and one or several events will set us on a meta trajectory with our own beliefs changing and/or becoming more.

    I gifted myself a spa treatment. I’ve never had one before and expected service like that of a standard massage treatment. My time there was/is unequivocally a required life-essential. The care I received increased my strength in becoming better in my love of self—acknowledging the existence of how I’ve allowed abuse, sadness and humanness cause a permanence of take-aways.

    The outside doesn’t appear as much to look at yet the facility is tranquil once you enter. How do you treat yourself? Is the first question prompted within the waiting area. I was greeted with warmth, kindness and served Watermelon Basil Water. #fancy I chose the Summer Scrub Treatment followed by a facial treatment. Yes, I still have acne!! Which blows my mind for I never had acne issues as a teen or during pregnancy.

    I’m directed to this beautiful room where water is running slowly in a copper tin tub. The room is soft, full of earthy colors: browns, creamy white and greenery. I’ve yet to relax. There’s a great deal of anxiety even with expecting this type of care.

    The process was gentle. The care exceptional. I’ve never been cared for in such a manner. #Sisters, we serve everyone. We are nurturers. It’s what we do, how we are. As I explained to my eldest: “My first 7 years I cannot remember but no one has ever washed me. Ever. I’ve taken care of others, washed and massaged them. No one has ever cared for me in such a way. It solidified that I want to be wealthy with life. I want to be able to do those type things for myself.”

    Him: “It must be hard for you. To know that you were never loved in that manner. I mean I can’t remember but I know that I was cared for in that way because you tell me. Grandma told me. I know I was loved, am loved. But to know that you were not. Man, Momma. You should be able to do that at least 2x a year.”


    My attendant requested permission to wash my stomach…4 babies, 6 surgeries, numerous stretch marks, c-sect scar, weight gain…I cried, silently. Every negative thing, thought, image was lifted away from me. How shameful I’ve treated myself. It’s all connected—our mental, physical, spiritual and emotional health. Soul-neglecting has to be our greatest betrayal of self. How unknowingly cruel we are, can be.

    As I returned back into my work week, I experienced some soreness, tenderness when I moved. Not painful but just enough to remember the experience as it transpired. We’re not here to just touch others’ lives, to serve others. Be mindful of how you’re representing your soul. We’re not created to take in everything and hold on to it. How are you treating yourself?

    Don’t confuse self-care with maintenance, those things we do to maintain a “finished” look. I am uncomfortable yet grounded…forging and purged…leveling up. I’m unsettled in settling. That makes my soul smile. {Ecclesiastes 3}

    #BeAWholeMovement

    “Trust me when I say, You’re capable of anything imaginable.” ~Anonymous

    Intimately Worded,

    Michelle