Broken Relationships

Dysfunctional moments have the possibility to lead to decisions that will set us on paths unintended. How we treat each other, love each other is one of the greatest gifts we give. It is priceless. Yet, everyone one of us has someone we will not talk to nor deal with due to personal and private issues.

Healing begins when we are able to let go. Letting go of the guilt, the anger, the remorse as well as the mindful playbacks of what ifs. Concerns about what could have been are mere distractions that can keep you unfocused on what is ahead. Apologize if the desire is there but prepare yourself—your readiness, your act of kindness has the potential of non- reciprocation.

Life gives so many challenges. The opportunities of having more are multi in number. Continue doing what is right. When we take the necessary steps often times that is when the unpredictable happens. Our hearts mend with the intent to move forward.

If we allow it, Life will cater to our pain—to the perceptions we have of others and ourselves. Friendships stale, our versions of love and being love can deteriorate. We bury our emotions; we skip over life lessons and expect resounding forgiveness from those our actions destroy.

What I love about forgiveness is the two-way of it. Forgiveness removes the fault lines, those consequences of failed hope without a trace of residue. Do not push away, do not shut down on the things that matter the most. Matters of the heart are genuine steps to all you wish for; remain expectant in God’s better. Think of it this way….broken relationships are broken at times for new growth. Brokenness is not an ongoing exit for guilt, shame, arguments and doubt. Move forward.

Love as our Creator commands. Forgiveness is counterintuitive to love. Forgive because it betters you. Let God do the rest. I worry less when I trust God more. My heart has taken its share of bruises; my soul wounds have been many yet trust God I do. This time of my life, this winter season has been the warmest ever.

 You have what you want in this life; make it work!

Happy kisses,

A. Michelle!

 

Love on Top!

If you limit your choices only to what seems possible or reasonable,
you disconnect yourself from what you truly want,
and all that is left is a compromise. –Robert Fritz
2014-11-09 19.13.18
It is easy to fall into the resolve of not dating, to be alone. The choices are very limited due to a person’s perception of you and what they too want for their life. If you remove all the circumstantial propaganda and be truly honest; finding love or waiting for love to find you takes greater skills than internet dating, one night stands, club “hoping” (not a typo), Facebooking,  other social media quickies, friends with benefits and blind dates.
 
The difficulty in the remaining alone phase is that you can be easily deterred. Your ability to see more of your wish list rather an actual reality happens quite a lot. I haven’t ever been so independent that I don’t want a man nor so needy that I lose my own identity in trying to get one. I think you have to develop an even balance of wanting and waiting. (That comes with time.)
 
I have this amazing son, the youngest one, my Brutus. He has the sweetest going-to- be- an- awesome-Man characteristic of any child I know. His father walked out before Brutus was 12 months old, before potty training, before learning to tie his shoe. Brutus has two older brothers, Damien and Darius. They have moved out of the home and are doing well.  So there hasn’t been a man around for him to watch, to observe. Before you get all mushy and what not, read.
Sunday, our pastor called all to the altar for a unity prayer. Pastor stated, “Bring your pocketbooks.” The whole Church chuckled. The same hand I am holding Bru’s hand with holds my pocketbook. As we are praying he grabs it and whispers, “I’ll hold this for you.”
 
After Church, we are shopping and the rain begins to pour heavily as we are leaving. We dash it and Brutus runs to open my car door first before getting in the back seat. I wanted so much to pick him up and squeeze him so tight. He just melts my heart. Oh and it so what I need…to be appreciated, to be shown chivalry. His genuine acts of love combat the inopportune thoughts of settling, the doubts of not being enough, and the wonder of being too much.
 
I have no idea why, how, nor who he gets this from but I am in absolute awe of how God works. Brutus is eight years old. I don’t know what I have done to be blessed with my little fella. When Damien and Darius were younger they did not do these things for me. Yet, I didn’t miss it nor did I realize I was missing something.
 
As a mother of three sons and one daughter, a grad student, a fulltime employee, a volunteer, a friend, a sister and now new blogger; Life can be quite cumbersome, unexpected, challenging, unyielding, amazing….. Most days I am left wondering why and what for. One more tidbit: when I am worried, lost in thought, cooking, being a mom he will give me a kiss, a hug without prompting. Asleep, way in the wee hours of the night  when he refuses to sleep alone my Brutus still slides his hand across my belly and holds me just so. I smile, peacefully.
 
I know everyone doesn’t have a Brutus but you are blessed…..just take the time to find it and you work from there.  Faith it the right way, your way. No pressure.
 
You are amazing; Continue!  
 
~A. Michelle
 
                                                       Proven throughout time without reprove…..Love gives. ~A. Michelle

Autumn and Brutus: Summer Vacation 2015

My Two

More than I expected. Summer 2015

This is our first Summer vacation alone, no big brothers or friends to join us. Of course we head to the Beach. They love the water and they swim like fish. While planning, I am little apprehensive…. can I be the “fun” Mom on vacation and still protect them with only me watching. My older ones are off in the world, living and they are happy. How much relaxing will I be able to do and will the retreat I need from “the world” be enough for Self? I have a few things coming up in the next few weeks I need to prepare for mentally.
 
So I make the reservations and the Little Ones’ excitement doesn’t hit until the day we leave. Now there are all these rules….Brutus: “No electrics Momma. No homework. You can’t be busy, it is our time.” Autumn:  “I just want to have fun. I can take my stuff to create, right? What is our itinerary? Do I need to make a list?”
 
Our last few days without “electrics,” just being with them is what life is all about….getting back to the basics, remembering why you do what you do, counting my blessings as I see them jumping the waves….Brutus laughing, screaming and running from Autumn in glee because he tagged her….they are simply beautiful. Their happiness is genuine, unique, theirs. How amazing they are. As a mother, a single mother there are so many times and things you believe you do wrong. Yet,  as I sit here listening to the Ocean with tears running down my face….I love their love. Their resiliency, their capability to forgive and move forward, their ability to stand. So we are good, we are better than ok…..I’ll remain in the journey not just on it. 
 My phone rung a few times, each time Brutus, very protective: “Who is that? Don’t answer it. Our time.” Of course, their Auntie Keyna called. She is my little sister and still treats me like I am the youngest. I gave up Facebook and Instagram. I actually tuned away from the world, the white noise. I am not the type of person that becomes engrossed in Social Media that it becomes my emotional dumpster. I don’t use it as a vehicle to hurt anyone nor as a pedestal to attack or voice my opinion on matters of the heart.…we have to encourage one another. It wasn’t just their laughs I enjoyed. I observed others; other families, children, extended families, couples that were happy, enjoying the present. 
 
Of all the stresses we endure to protect, raise and educate our children…its worth it. I will continue trusting in God . I have to continue being the best in their world because I value who I am and what I am to my Autumn and my Brutus.
 
As a parent, a father, a mother, be coupled or single…if we continue to do what is required of us God will do the rest. God works diligently behind the scenes. Remain in the fight, it is so worth it. 
You are amazing by choice.
~A. Michelle