Category: Single living

“Discernment gathers evidence; anxiety fills in the blanks.” —Me.

I’ve been thinking about saying yes.

Not to the dress.

Not yet, anyway. 😂

I mean saying yes to more.

More life. More possibility. More experiences. More laughter. More love. More of the things I used to think I had missed my opportunity to have.

And perhaps most importantly, saying yes without needing to know exactly what the yes will lead to.

That feels different for me.

My life is full these days. Sometimes very full.

There is my work as a therapist, sitting with people through grief, trauma, relationships, depression, transitions, and all the complicated places life takes us. There is my private practice, Transitional Pathways, which continues to grow into something that feels increasingly like my own. There is podcasting and Let’s Circle Back, where conversations about healing, trauma, poverty, relationships, and the choices we make have reminded me over and over again that people’s stories are rarely as simple as they appear.

Then there is writing.

Creating.

Building.

Planning.

Trying to be a responsible adult while also remembering that I am allowed to actually enjoy my life.

And somewhere in the middle of all of that, I decided to try dating again.

At this age.

After more than a decade of being single.

Which, let me just say, is an experience.

Dating after 50 requires a particular kind of discernment. 🥴

There are men who seem promising until you actually have a conversation. Men whose profiles require a second read. Men who want to exchange phone numbers five minutes into the conversation. Men who apparently believe “I’m running from life” is an intriguing introduction rather than a potential warning label.

And then there are the conversations that make you pause.

Not necessarily because someone is the one, but because they remind you that you are still capable of being curious.

Still capable of meeting someone new.

Still capable of wondering, What if?

That matters.

For a long time, I think I approached relationships from a place of trying to determine whether something was worth my investment.

Does this person communicate well?

Are they emotionally available?

Are they consistent?

Are their values aligned with mine?

Can I see a future here?

Those questions still matter. They absolutely should.

But I’m learning that there is another question I need to ask:

Am I allowing myself to experience the possibility at all?

Because discernment and fear can look remarkably similar if you aren’t paying attention.

Discernment says, This isn’t for me.

Fear says, Don’t even try.

Wisdom says, Pay attention.

Fear says, You already know how this ends.

And I don’t want fear making decisions for me anymore.

Sunday’s church service did something to me.

I walked away feeling hopeful—not naïve, not desperate, not suddenly convinced that everything is going to unfold exactly the way I want it to.

Just hopeful.

Hopeful about my past.

Hopeful about my current life.

Hopeful about my future.

And I realized how good that actually feels.

Because there was a time when looking backward brought up all the things I didn’t get.

The things that didn’t work.

The years I spent alone.

The relationship I thought would look different.

The dreams that took longer than expected.

The life I imagined for myself that didn’t happen on my original timeline.

But maybe the past doesn’t have to be proof that I’ve missed something.

Maybe it can simply be proof that I’ve lived.

I’ve loved.

I’ve learned.

I’ve survived.

I’ve grown.

And I’m still here.

So maybe saying yes isn’t about pretending I don’t know what disappointment feels like.

It’s about knowing exactly what it feels like—and deciding that disappointment doesn’t get to have the final word.

I’m 56.

And I like my life.

I like the woman I’ve become.

I like the work I’m doing. I like building something of my own. I like the conversations I’m having. I like writing. I like Sunday mornings and quiet moments and the parts of life that don’t need an audience.

I don’t need someone to come along and rescue me from my life.

But I would love someone to join me in it.

There is a difference.

I don’t need a relationship to validate that my life is full.

But I do want companionship.

I want partnership.

I want someone to call when something funny happens.

Someone who checks in because they thought about me.

Someone who wants to know how my day went and actually listens to the answer.

Someone who understands that affection is not merely something you say but something you demonstrate.

Someone who can sit beside me in the ordinary moments—the grocery store, dinner, Sunday morning coffee, the ridiculous television show—and recognize that ordinary can become extraordinary when you’re sharing it with the right person.

And yes, I want romance.

I’m not going to pretend otherwise.

But I don’t want to manufacture it.

I don’t want to force connection because I’m tired of waiting.

I don’t want to overlook inconsistency because someone is attractive.

I don’t want to explain away poor communication because I’m trying to be patient.

I don’t want to audition for love.

I don’t want to convince someone to choose me.

I want something that feels mutual.

Safe.

Intentional.

Grown.

So I’m saying yes.

Not a yes to every person who comes along.

Not a yes to chaos.

Not a yes to settling.

A yes to possibility.

A yes to getting dressed and going somewhere.

A yes to conversation.

A yes to meeting people.

A yes to letting someone surprise me.

A yes to laughing at the ridiculousness of dating after 50.

A yes to paying attention to what feels good without ignoring what feels off.

A yes to trusting my discernment without allowing it to become a wall.

A yes to believing that my life can still expand.

Maybe that’s what Sunday gave me.

Not an answer.

Just permission.

Permission to look at the life behind me with gratitude instead of regret.

Permission to look at the life in front of me with curiosity instead of fear.

Permission to believe that there is still more.

And perhaps that’s the real dress I’m putting on these days—not the white one.

The one made of hope.

The one made of possibility.

The one that says:

I’m still here.

I’m still becoming.

And I’m not finished yet.

So yes.

I’m saying yes.

Not to the dress.

Not even necessarily to a man.

I’m saying yes to more life than I have already known.

And honestly?

That feels pretty good.

Yes… that’s good.

Very good.

Being brave (discerningly so),

Michelle 🌿

©️Intimately Worded, Michelle.