Category: Birthdays

  • Free Mondays

    Staycation? I think it is giving me something more valuable: no performance, no production, no rushing toward the next thing.

    Freedom can be unstructured

    Yesterday was Sunday, and I didn’t write.

    That sentence feels almost rebellious.

    Sunday is my writing day. It’s usually when I sit down with my thoughts, gather the pieces of the week, and turn them into something I can share. But yesterday, I didn’t.

    I rested.

    I had a completely relaxed, wonderfully unproductive day.

    And somewhere between doing nothing and doing exactly what I wanted, I realized something: I really like Free Mondays.

    This week is my birthday week, and I took my entire work week off to celebrate.

    Initially, I had imagined doing it differently. I wanted to go to the beach. Not just any beach—a different beach. I could see it in my mind: the water, the hotel, the restaurants, the beautiful scenery, the little birthday moments that would make it feel like the perfect celebration.

    But then came the planning.

    The driving.

    The reservations.

    The packing.

    The figuring out what to do once I got there.

    The pressure to make the trip worth it because I had gone all the way there.

    And suddenly, the thing I wanted to feel—free—started requiring a lot of work.

    So I changed my mind.

    I chose a staycation.

    There will be a night at a beautiful, posh hotel. A spa day. A fancy solo dinner. Time with my Tribe. Time with Bru. Time at the horse ranch.

    And time where nothing is required of me.

    That last part might be my favorite.

    Today is my first Free Monday.

    No work.

    No sessions.

    No hard decisions.

    No rush moments.

    No deadlines.

    No squeezing something into a 30-minute window because the next thing is already waiting.

    Today, we spent leisurely time at the horse ranch. There was no quick workout afterward because I needed to get somewhere. No looking at the clock every few minutes. No mental calculation of what had to happen next.

    Even driving felt different.

    Normally, driving is transportation. A means to an end.

    Monday, driving felt like part of the leisure.

    There was nowhere I needed to rush to.

    And isn’t that interesting?

    Sometimes freedom isn’t about going somewhere extraordinary.

    Sometimes freedom is about not having to hurry while you’re getting there.

    I think I’ve spent a lot of my life believing that rest had to be earned and that celebrations had to be carefully constructed. That if I was going to take time off, I needed to make the most of it.

    But what if making the most of it means making nothing of it?

    What if the beautiful thing isn’t the itinerary?

    What if it’s waking up and realizing you don’t have one?

    There is something new happening in me.

    I’m learning that I don’t always need to create the experience.

    Sometimes I can simply experience it.

    Free Mondays feel new. Good. Better.

    They feel freeing. Liberating, even.

    And perhaps that’s because there is something deeply sacred about having nowhere to rush to and nothing to prove.

    I am turning 56 this week.

    Maybe this is one of the gifts of getting older: realizing that the life we imagine will make us happy isn’t always the life that actually gives us peace.

    I thought I needed another beach.

    Maybe what I needed was another pace.

    So here I am.

    On my staycation.

    Taking my time.

    Enjoying my people.

    Enjoying my solitude.

    Going to the spa.

    Having a fancy dinner by myself.

    Spending time at the horse ranch.

    Sleeping when I want.

    Writing when I want.

    And maybe not writing at all.

    Because apparently, that is freedom too.

    Happy Free Monday. ♥️

    I’m going to enjoy this one.

    Birthday-ing,

    Michelle

    ©️Intimately Worded, Michelle.

  • Graced For More

    Committing to writing has always been an adventurous discipline for me. Forgive me for not posting as quickly as my experiences occur. I am ever so grateful for the way Life is treating me and faithfully attuned to how God stands in the gaps of my unknowing.

    August, my birthday month has been revolutionary! My 49th year began with decisions, doubts and quiet fear. Those things I kept to myself, internalizing the eternal. My last post I detailed my journey in participating in #31DaysOfPrayer; which generated a great deal of evolving. The Spiritual growth process is unusual and unique, rather intimate. My spiritual life has been enlightening, very different than assumed. We’re all given foundations, taught standards and one or several events will set us on a meta trajectory with our own beliefs changing and/or becoming more.

    I gifted myself a spa treatment. I’ve never had one before and expected service like that of a standard massage treatment. My time there was/is unequivocally a required life-essential. The care I received increased my strength in becoming better in my love of self—acknowledging the existence of how I’ve allowed abuse, sadness and humanness cause a permanence of take-aways.

    The outside doesn’t appear as much to look at yet the facility is tranquil once you enter. How do you treat yourself? Is the first question prompted within the waiting area. I was greeted with warmth, kindness and served Watermelon Basil Water. #fancy I chose the Summer Scrub Treatment followed by a facial treatment. Yes, I still have acne!! Which blows my mind for I never had acne issues as a teen or during pregnancy.

    I’m directed to this beautiful room where water is running slowly in a copper tin tub. The room is soft, full of earthy colors: browns, creamy white and greenery. I’ve yet to relax. There’s a great deal of anxiety even with expecting this type of care.

    The process was gentle. The care exceptional. I’ve never been cared for in such a manner. #Sisters, we serve everyone. We are nurturers. It’s what we do, how we are. As I explained to my eldest: “My first 7 years I cannot remember but no one has ever washed me. Ever. I’ve taken care of others, washed and massaged them. No one has ever cared for me in such a way. It solidified that I want to be wealthy with life. I want to be able to do those type things for myself.”

    Him: “It must be hard for you. To know that you were never loved in that manner. I mean I can’t remember but I know that I was cared for in that way because you tell me. Grandma told me. I know I was loved, am loved. But to know that you were not. Man, Momma. You should be able to do that at least 2x a year.”


    My attendant requested permission to wash my stomach…4 babies, 6 surgeries, numerous stretch marks, c-sect scar, weight gain…I cried, silently. Every negative thing, thought, image was lifted away from me. How shameful I’ve treated myself. It’s all connected—our mental, physical, spiritual and emotional health. Soul-neglecting has to be our greatest betrayal of self. How unknowingly cruel we are, can be.

    As I returned back into my work week, I experienced some soreness, tenderness when I moved. Not painful but just enough to remember the experience as it transpired. We’re not here to just touch others’ lives, to serve others. Be mindful of how you’re representing your soul. We’re not created to take in everything and hold on to it. How are you treating yourself?

    Don’t confuse self-care with maintenance, those things we do to maintain a “finished” look. I am uncomfortable yet grounded…forging and purged…leveling up. I’m unsettled in settling. That makes my soul smile. {Ecclesiastes 3}

    #BeAWholeMovement

    “Trust me when I say, You’re capable of anything imaginable.” ~Anonymous

    Intimately Worded,

    Michelle

  • Chapter 47 #birthdayblog the beginning…

    Selfie_August 2017

    I am not forsaking the last 46 years, I am blessed. I am humbled and ever so confident in God. His works are undeniable. This past week I attended a beautiful wedding where African Attire was required. We are a beautiful people. I attended the funeral of a great friend…her mother was –is her world. I wear my pearls in honor of her memory and my mother’s as well. Our mothers’ are the salt of the earth…they make us you know…they make us in spite of their dreams, in spite of the things they want for themselves. How amazing is the role of mother. In addition, with some dread…I am being matched to date….it has been five years since I have been on a date. What a birthday week!!  I love new experiences and value the past ones. Year 47 will be exceptional!

    My life thoughts:

    1. God works within our prayers to show His purposes for our lives.
    2. Others’ happiness can flow over to us but it is up to us to pick up the pieces they leave us.
    3. I am learning that life is grand only if you live it!
    4. Support the ones who support your dreams …without a price.
    5. Our world is relevant to what we do. What we put out returns back to us.
    6. I love being a mother it is far more rewarding than we believe, even with all the sacrifices and …I am good at it.
    7. Damien!
    8. Darius!
    9. Autumn!
    10. Bryant Wade aka Brutus!
    11. Love in spite of how we define it… it wins on its on merit.
    12. Friendships are fundamentals it indicates how we care for one another.
    13. Spirituality although renowned  is one of the most evolutionary, specific and rare experiences that will last forever.
    14. Do not always be aggressive learn to wait in hope.
    15. There is work in the wait.
    16. Connections make you vulnerable yet the real ones last a lifetime. Keep them.
    17. Love more than you hate.
    18. Although forgiveness is a process, forgive anyway. We are unable to stop the hurt. Reflect. Forgive. Move forward in love.
    19. I am okay.
    20. I am worthy of the good.
    21. Your intelligence is an asset…grow it. Share it. Use it.
    22. Hate cripples.
    23. Self-loathing destroys what God has created.
    24. Growth requires new experiences.
    25. Guarding your heart comes with responsibilities, listening and obeying. Do not guard it with barbwire.
    26. Family is the core of our existence. Love them.
    27. Racism is real. God is bigger.
    28. Our biggest fight is to love who we are.
    29. Our greatest fear is not being loved for whom we truly are…we fight to hide and hide to fight.
    30. Self-care is paramount.
    31. Sleep is wonderful, it is when God is doing so much for us and through us. Learn to rest well.
    32. God loves whom He creates. He cannot not love.
    33. Psychology and counseling is what I am great at doing. It is a gift and though heart wrenching I am committed.
    34. Giving birth is life changing; forever.
    35. When the ones we love walk out, it hurts but it is the beginning of so much more. Work through it.
    36. Encourage others; it matters. Fellowship is key to relationships.
    37. You are greater than anything that comes your way. God in all His infinite wisdom ordained it so.
    38. Comparison is the thief of joy.
    39. We indeed reap what we sow. Sow with love.
    40. Love is simple, respectful and honorable. There is not any gray matter.
    41. Do not human up what is spiritually required of you. Freewill is God given. Jesus paid the price, once. He does not have to repeat it.
    42. Adoption is unrequited love. Do not human it up.
    43. Our gifts are our freedom. Develop it. Follow through with it.
    44. Dreams come true with hard work and trust.
    45. Do the necessary #work.
    46. Safety is not a guarantee…it should be with the ones who profess their love for you.

    Chapter 47 …new one. I am determined to live life loving better, living wonderfully and assisting in the greater good wherever and whenever I can! ©

    P.S. I am excitedly afraid of the possibility of dating. A big sister type of friend says, “Not dating Oh not we cannot have that.” She has been on a mission since Wednesday. #mylife

    Intimately worded,

    Michelle