Intimately Worded with Michelle

Tag: healing

  • Navigating Relationships and Healing After Loss

    Navigating Relationships and Healing After Loss

    Without Coincidence Divine Timing Connects;

    I am deeply thankful for God’s grace and His provision.

    And in that quietness, I find myself weeping in gratitude. Smiling in reverence. Standing still in awe. God’s grace shows up again and again, sometimes wrapped in joy, sometimes in the hard beauty of becoming. His provision meets me—not always in the ways I expected, but always in the ways I needed.

    I’m learning not just to remember, but to remain—in peace, in presence, in gratitude.

    Spiritual Safety in Grief

    Grief, is a whole something else, entirely– with the loss of my father, can indeed leave us feeling untethered, almost floating, unanchored. This sense of being “lost and free, numb and unable” speaks to the spiritual disequilibrium that can accompany deep loss. When our foundational relationships, like the one with a parent, are altered, it can feel as if a protective covering has been lifted, leaving us exposed in ways we hadn’t anticipated.

    It is incredible how life’s most treasured moments can pass by in the blink of an eye. Recently, I’ve been making a conscious effort to slow things down, to truly embrace and cherish each moment. My memories unfold in slow motion, allowing me to savor them fully. I find myself smiling, shedding tears, and feeling profound gratitude for God’s grace and His continuous provision.

    In these moments of profound vulnerability, cultivating spiritual safety becomes paramount. It’s about recognizing that while earthly anchors may shift, there’s a divine tether that remains. This doesn’t mean bypassing the pain or pretending it doesn’t exist. Instead, it’s about acknowledging the hurt while actively seeking the comfort and stability that spiritual connection can offer.

    My youngest son is 18, a high school graduate, gym rat, and a mental health advocate who is truly walking in his path with empathy and compassion. His friends have their own Bible Study and have given their friendship circle the title of “Council.”

    I am entering what I believe to be one of the greatest relationships of my life…at 54. It’s hitting differently and often feels unfamiliar and fearful. I am in my 50s and dating. Menopause. Diabetes. Dating. My Light, this soft era. None of this is bad; the dating experience is questionable and rather humorous—courageously so. What I know is that it is something worth growing into; it is what my whole soul has craved. Furthermore, it is truly what my father advised me it would be. I was 23 when he told me what qualities to look for in a man, the man for me. I argued that I wouldn’t ever get married; my father passed away the next day.

    This Father’s Day was different than most. It was quiet, filled with grief, and I experienced the loss of him with deeper sadness and more love. #Grateful His impact on my life carries me. I transitioned from being protected and covered to a different type of sheltering. He was my anchor, my fallback. It’s hard to navigate this life without a father. Our selves become untethered, almost floating and unanchored. Lost and free. Numb and unable.

    Where would I be, truly, if God didn’t redirect his heart? I’m an adopted child, a loved daughter and at times I truly believe a cherished sibling. Family is our first love…be it what it is or what it was. ❤️‍🩹

    There are not too many people I share my heart with; I believe that to be a good thing. I am sharing how off kilter I have been lately with my sister-friend. Her presence in my life is actionable, tangible. My friend, my Wizard Sister said to me, “We lived for so long in isolation in so many ways…individual traumas, collective traumas and now we’re all in the early stages of reconnection getting triggered left and right (zero pun intended and…) We hurt in relationships and we heal in relationships. I am praying for your healing, sister.” @borninprovidence 🌿

    I breathe. She’s right. Foolishly yet with wisdom—thinking I thought I was healed enough; just enough. I have been doing the work, my soul work for the longest. It would seem that falling into something safe and prayed for would be simple, easier, refreshing… my heart yearns for soft, softer a forever landing.

    I encourage you to not only look up in wonderment yet learn to count the stars. Scripture Psalms 147:4 states, “He determines the number of the stars and calls them each by name.”

    God’s infinite wisdom and limitless love continues to pull all of this together and not as haphazardly as we believe. Trust that purpose and pain is not the great divide we experience, yet somehow it bridges what has to happen. Love better. Love anyway. Do it because you can; you are ready.

    Intimately Worded, 

    ~Michelle

  • Finding Meaning in Stillness: You Were Made for More

    Finding Meaning in Stillness: You Were Made for More

    You Were Made for More, and You Know It

    Lately, I’ve been waking up at 4:15 a.m., not out of discipline but out of something deeper—an ache, a pull, a knowing. Maybe you’ve felt it too. That quiet nudge that whispers, You were made for more. Not in the loud, hustle culture kind of way, but in a way that sits in your chest, pressing down until you acknowledge it.

    March felt like a run-through, like a practice round where I was trying to catch up with myself. Days moved fast, responsibilities stacked up, and I was just going through the motions. And now, April has arrived, and I find myself waiting—waiting for the weight of something real, something undeniable. The heaviness of stepping fully into what I know I’m meant to be.

    But here’s the thing about more: it’s not always about doing more. Sometimes, it’s about softening. Peeling back the layers of overperformance, of proving, of moving so fast you don’t even feel your own life. Maybe more looks like stillness. Maybe it’s the kind of work that happens in the quiet moments before the world wakes up—before emails, before expectations.

    If you’ve been feeling it too, this in-between space, this waiting, know that it’s not empty. It’s not wasted. You are being prepared, strengthened, softened in ways you can’t even see yet. So, keep waking up. Keep listening. Keep allowing yourself to move toward the life that’s been calling you. Because you were made for more. And you already know it.

  • After the Session

    After the Session

    Written by: Michelle Tillman, LCMHC

    May is Mental Health Awareness Month

    #HealthyLove

    Working as a therapist, we are privy to hearing life stories, an individual’s experiences. We listen to their pain and their victories, the simple, small, and big things. Self-love, self-care, and wellness are synonymous with great health, mentally, spiritually, and physically. Lately, I am noticing a trend: we no longer know how to be in a healthy relationship nor do we know what one looks like. Across all societal norms and other corporate platforms, we are demanded to forgive (without processing) and negatively “coached”, argued with, and hurtfully told we are wrong for wanting more. Social media, reality shows, and life challenges normalize dysfunction; we learn to accept pain as a reward, we measure love by difficulty and hardship.

    We tend to move into relationships out of loss and/or a specific want, losing sight of what we need. A client once shared with me: “I do not want to date out of circumstance. Does that make me selfish?” I responded that it was one of the most powerful statements I have heard in a while: “I do not want to date out of circumstance.” What a refreshing thought process, one that requires strength, recovery, self-discipline, and confidence.

    Relationships have become unhinged at the cost of “influence” and social popularity. Toxicity and narcissism have become synonymous with band-aid quotes and placating sentiments: “Go to therapy.” Yet, there is not any evidence of real change. We recycle patterns and repeat our past with someone new. Rarely does anyone commit to the hard work. We unknowingly agree to be in relationships without ever understanding the difficulty in creating new patterns and different thought processes nor the impact of trauma.

    I encourage you to recognize and learn red flags. Understand that red flags signify that this does not feel good, that this person is not for you and that “fixing” others is never a winning concept. We cannot “fix” people. Below are a few tips when seeking healthy relationships:

    1. Stay present and connected to your personal values.
    2. Do not date out of circumstance. Self-validation and self-prioritization are key.
    3. Know that any relationship is destructive when it decreases your quality of life. 
    4. When a partner disrupts relationship with your immediate family life, demanding you cut off direct communication: RED FLAG!
    5. There are several Thinking Traps that can get in the way of creating a healthy relationship: concealing, impediments, emotional responsibility, mind-reading trap, the truth trap and the victim trap.

    “It is okay to feel sad after making the right decision.”

    Remember you are wanting a healthy relationship that is good for you, that nurtures you, your growth, your life. Truly, settling for a “trending” companionship should never be an optimal option. I believe there are so many other consequences when we settle. I encourage you to trust your journey, honor your pathway and love with purposeful intention for every aspect of your life.

    Intimately, my prayer for you is to be healthy, loving and free—your way without harm and without selfishness. Continue to do your work, your soul work.

    Intimately Worded,

    Michelle

    Disclaimer: The post provides valuable insights on healthy relationships and the impact of societal influences. The language and tone are engaging, making the content relatable. It effectively encourages self-reflection and awareness, offering practical tips for fostering healthy relationships. Overall, the post offers meaningful advice for maintaining healthy relationships amidst societal pressures.

    2–4 minutes

  • Music ♥️🔥

    open.spotify.com/track/2ZeQp8pc5sKyjLPBhn3DZj

    I came across this song during one of my yoga stretches. I absolutely love it! Take a listen.

    “Grow. Grow. Grow. ..even if you can’t find your way…”

    Have a grateful and gracious week!

  • Significant Losses; Reflection.

    #NewThings: Embracing the newness of things. Learning to let our light shine after dark times and during the difficult moments. Learning how to want the better while unlearning the hurt of our wounds. Healing is not a measurement of how good things are going in your present.

    Trust yourSelf more with each decision you’ve made to be where you are. Love comes and how it flows for you is the healing process. We’re always evolving…our healing is a journey. Level up with grace. God is intimately intentional.

    I’m still moving within my goal word for this year: trusting mySelf. Try your best not to minimize any parts of your life. You are worthy of your work—even when it is difficult.

    Growth and healing will continue to be a hard process. Grief, loss is seemingly consistent; often it brings and leaves us in places unfamiliar. Do not lose your way in fearing what’s next. Learn to be, with love.

    I am reminded of the gentleness and generosity of #God. Grief does not miss anyone. We lose our love Ones. We want something entirely different than this type of loss. Although as painful as it is, grief and healing is not about forgetfulness or any particular destination. I encourage you to see yourSelf, to allow healing into those hidden places and within your prayers. Do not minimize where you are…you’re worthy of healing and of love. I pray your day leads you to nurturing and replenishing your soul. You’re worth of your journey.

    This work week has been a tremendous time of grief and loss —staying present with others as I proactively listen and assist them in their grieving process is challenging; in reflection, it does my heart well.

    “As far as we can discern, the sole purpose of human existence is to kindle a light in the darkness of mere being.” Karl Jung, psychiatrist

    Take care to take care of you. Do those things that comfort your soul. I see you. I love you.

    Intimately worded,

    ~Michelle

    Vulnerability will guide you—you choose. 💕💕

    #GoodGrief #Loss #Transitions #HeartWork #RequireMore #Love #InnerWork #Healing #BeGentleWithYourSelf #Growth #FindYourYes #TrustYourProcess #SelfAdvocacy #BelieveBetter #Women #BlackWomen #Coffee #Therapy #MoveMountains #LevelsToThis #EmotionalWellness

  • Safer Waters

    Safer Waters

    Solitude. Replenish. Grateful.

    Writer: Michelle Tillman
    Favorite Things: Summer Reads—Romance & Poetry Perfect Lip Gloss, Lavender Pens for Love Notes

    I’m moving towards safer waters not out of fear but out of love…for myself, for others.

    I love my space. I love my love for others. I’m unlearning all consuming love—unlearning the thought, that if I control IT there will not be any room for deep hurt. I am learning not to separate how I love to the way I love. I no longer hold back trying to figure out in which way I will be hurt next. Ahhh, Love.🌻 I still do not know what is the greatest way in sheltering yet I’m loving this space I have carved. My stitches of quiet time include falling in love with poetry once again. When able add, “The Sheltering” to your Readers’ List. I have included the link: https://books2read.com/KhayaRonkainen

    I have grown to value time, albeit with grace. Reading a romance novel every now and then reminds me of what love should be, without having my head in the clouds. I enjoyed reading this library find, it was just the right antidote, “The House on Blueberry Lane.” The author included just enough courage and hope to have me sipping wine, praying for rain with each turned page. Snuggling with Koda is an added #Godperk. 🐾

    As I age (with grace) —I do not believe I am lacking patience. I know that I do not like my time wasted, that’s with every aspect of life: driving, cooking, fellowship and friendship. In driving, I take the most scenic routes, away from the interstate. I am learning to cook healthier with buying strategically not just for convenience and eating well. I have upped my game with culinary knowledge. I am learning to date with care, my SelfCare. I want someone to be my greatest friend, supportive, dependable and trustworthy. I am expecting more—-without fearing what is next.

    What I know: consistency remains one of the simplest forms of love. Consistency creates stability and with stability comes structure and with structure— compassion. And so with hope imagined I’ll turn to words, books, note taking, perfect lip glosses, soul-nurturing, and prayers—-all the things that create this currency of living life possible: choosing Me.

    We have every right and reason to shine our lights, to do what is best for us and love our selves with care, truths and all the good things. No longer be afraid of what has happened—live in hope. I am more mindful of what is to come and this soul of mine—well I will always advocate for it’s navigational heart.

    Intimately Worded,

    Michelle

    Have courage, take heart

    “He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.” Psalm 147:3

  • Intentional Journey

    May is Mental Health Awareness Month

    2018-2019
    2020-2021
    December 2020
    May 2023
    #SoftLove
    Different 🔥
    (more…)

  • The Plot of Resiliency: Do Not Settle With Hurt

    I’m not afraid of the unknown. I tend to get stuck in the not knowing…and that becomes quite tricky, rather unsatisfying; in some moments punishing.

    We do not have to settle with hurt and we should try our best not to settle with it. I know it is difficult and often feels normal when we settle with pain. Pain becomes our comfort, a comfortable familiar dysfunction, more friend than foe.

    I’m on a new dating app and all I want to do is try, have great communication, and see. I’m told by my friends I should be with someone who matches my love. I think so too. I’m learning to be available without giving heavy access to others; to enjoy the simple things. Know the difference with nurture vs blame: our roles in our relationships change.

    It is fascinating how we’re in the relationship and our partner knows us, listens. Then suddenly it becomes our fault, this emotional pain, our walls become our default. We shoot fires of what-ifs: Why do you do what you do? This wouldn’t have happened if you did what you were suppose to do. We take ownership of the mistakes, the mishaps, the wrong in their perspective. We punish ourselves with, “I should have done better.” We bypass the nudges, the emotional learning curves , the red flags with the mentality, “I will try to fix it” or “I’ll do better.” The blame becomes a cycle, a cycle of toxic behavior. A cycle of you doubting yourself, you trying to figure out what suddenly happened. Total train wreck, a complete train-wreck. I’ve been in situations, predicaments in which I am treated like a “queen” yet the second that there is an indication of independence, of learned liberty, of liberation, it is squashed, insulted. Now another rejection where there is jealousy and intimidation voiced with insults and growing resentment; conflict. #DeepSigh

    Early this morning, while on my walk I saw what I thought were red wild roses. I thought how odd that they are growing so randomly along this trail. Upon further inspection, I realized they were flowers of blackberry bushes. I love blackberries…it starts out as a beautiful flower. I have forgotten that over the years.

    I hear Tupac: “Some say the blacker the berry, the sweeter the juice
    I say the darker the flesh then the deeper the roots…

    Because there’s too many things for you to deal with

    Dying inside, but outside you’re looking fearless…

    You gotta keep ya head up.”

    Songwriters: Daryl L. Anderson / Roger Troutman / Stan Vincent / Tupac Amaru Shakur

    I encourage you to keep growing, protect your healing in your process, love this journey to the next pathway with compassion and integrity. You’re deserving of the good things too.

    Bloom exactly where you are; with God we are different. #SoulWorkInYourWait

    “I am going to bring … recovery and healing; I will heal them and reveal to them abundance of prosperity and security.” Jeremiah 33:6

    Intimately Worded,

    Michelle

  • Unlearning; God is in the details.

    #goodread
    #WFH, my choice
    Allow the #Godstuff to happen

    I no longer am game to run on empty, to love on fumes. Inadvertently, we have learned to produce, busy ourselves on empty. Our moms did it as well as our grandmothers; we learned by observation, what we saw The Village doing. Women, we consume what we think works best for us, (as individuals) when we are often the nucleus of our families. Hardly a soft-landing. Scratching my head, it seems the middle of things is the hardest part of this journey. I have learned that it is not the beginning nor the newness that is the most difficult. My personal statement for 2023 continues to pop up consciously: #intentionalgrace…I’m not feeling graced nor graceful these last few months and all is not terrible. I’m leaning more into the flux of my creativity, sitting with the faithfulness and the stillness of things.

    I’m reflective, conscientious in showing up in the difficult places and I’m happy; things truly are falling into blessed places, making room for intricate spaces. I am able to identify the external factors of my lapse in not flowing with my creative abilities. I readily identify my emotions and process the nudges, the whispers…I’m attune with my intuition. I am able to recognize the internal and soulful things that push me off kilter, off my structure for cultivating peace. I am also self-aware, I love being my way through and acknowledging my yearning for “stillness.”

    Big, big things are happening in this world and those big things are heart wrenching and at times unyielding. I’m learning to answer those whispers to call, to reach out to others. I smile when I hear their joy in hearing my voice. I’m learning to hear, to listen to reciprocate and to want as much as I give out. Love seems to be so far removed from all the new things, new ways, new this, new that. What I know, strength is love; love is strength. Remain mindful of the good things, of good people…we’re all trying to find our way.

    My prayers: “May I not settle in my disappointments, Heavenly Father.”

    Be encouraged: “For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.” — Hebrews 12:11

    Intimately Worded,

    Michelle

    https://www.buymeacoffee.com/IntimatelyWrded

  • September; traditionally speaking

    In my therapeutic profession, this weekend and new week is an emotional one: Saturday, September 10: World Suicide Preventation Day. Sunday, September 11: Remembrance of 9/11. In my personal life, Monday, September 12: My eldest son’s birthday. This week the local market has #sunflowers for $5.00.

    I’ve learned my hometown has grown a field of sunflowers that one can visit. Sunflowers are one of my favorite flowers. I continue to seek the simplicities of life and I yearn more for my soul than yesterday.

    I am reflective this heavy weekend and how inclusive of celebrating life I try to be. I’m learning that my self-care consists of familiarity, many must-haves and structure. I like it that way. Of course, there is spontatneity which often brings in great joy. It is Sunday morning and I’ve washed my face, brushed my teeth…made up my bed, put on my fuzzy socks and I’m mentally planning my day. I checked my emails and the thought hits me….”I’m always working and my work includes caring for others.”

    My work emails include questions on individual trauma recovery or taking another educational course on trauma. I read, respond if it is a quick answer. I pause and tell myself, prayer time, coffee, outside before it gets hot, do some stretches and yoga. Write and post your blog. I am proud of myself that this is my third Sunday in row, blogging. I smile. I beleive often we’re equipped within to reframe the heaviness, move it around a bit. I tend to think we’re here for reasons bigger than we think, without being aggrogant yet genuine, authentic. I know we’re to love and be loving. I also know we’re to be here for one another in whatever capacity that benefits us—that is not selfish. #BoomerangEffect

    So, I’ll purchase $5.00 sunflowers for my home. Later this week, I’ll anonmously deliver some to a person I know is struggling with how LIfe is coming at them. I’ll continue to be there for my Tribe. I’ll show up time and time again for this woman who’s hair is turning more white than grey yet she still seems to smile back at me in the mirror…somehow different yet the same. #Making Room

    “We must go down to the very foundations of life. For any merely superficial odering of life that leaves its deepest needs unsatisfied is as ineffectual as if no attempt at order had ever been made…”

    ~I Ching/ “The Well” (circa 2500 BC)

    Love yourself just a wee bit more this new season. #Autumn #Change

    Intimately Worded,

    Michelle

    https://www.buymeacoffee.com/IntimatelyWrded